


ivy

by SlytherinShakespeare



Series: evermore [2]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:19:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28750581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlytherinShakespeare/pseuds/SlytherinShakespeare
Summary: A Ballum fic, using the song Ivy as a framework.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: evermore [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2100840
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	ivy

**Author's Note:**

> This one is a bit of an au purely because I'm not sure I got the order of things right. Its also a bit more loose in terms of the connection to the lyrics. I'm not thrilled with it because I wrote half of it when drunk and the length of each section is a bit too varied for my liking but I can't figure out how to improve it - so it might have edits later! I hope you like it!

_How's one to know?_  
_I'd meet you where the spirit meets the bones_  
_In a faith-forgotten land_  
_In from the snow_  
_Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow_  
_Tarnished but so grand_

***

Callum remembers the first time Ben touched him. That was the start of the rest of his life. He can’t remember ever feeling as alive as he did in that park, with Ben’s hands on his body, fiery heat running between them in the freezing night. It’s wrong, he’s in a relationship, but fuck, nothing has ever made him feel so wanted, so whole, so right.

Keeping the secret now he’s admitted it to himself is harder than he’d ever imagined. He thought he’d be able to carry on like he did before, but he knows now, and can’t deny to himself how he feels.

***

_And the old widow goes to the stone every day_  
_But I don't, I just sit here and wait_  
_Grieving for the living_

***

Ben’s struggling. He’s grieving a family he never had and wishing he was loved. He knows what he had with Callum is real, but he knows he can’t push him. If Callum wants to live a lie, that’s his choice to make.

He and Lola crack open a bottle of wine after they’ve put Lexi to bed. Jay’s out with Callum, and Ben is pretending that he isn’t jealous. Right.

He and Lola are still awake and sharing tears and laughter when Jay comes home. His heart aches when he sees Lola and Jay set eyes on each other. He had that kind of love, once. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever have it again.

***

_Oh, goddamn_  
_My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand_  
_Taking mine, but it's been promised to another_  
_Oh, I can't_  
_Stop you putting roots in my dreamland_  
_My house of stone, your ivy grows_  
_And now I'm covered in you_

***

Callum is still trying to play a role that just isn’t him. He sees Ben and his pain and confusion gets a little easier, until he goes back home. It’s like walking underwater, he can’t breathe and Whit’s like a mermaid, embracing the water. He can’t get Ben out of his head - Whit’s lying on his chest, and all he can think is that he’s never felt more alone.

He breaks Whit’s heart and he hates himself for it, but she makes the hard choices for him and stands by him when his dad openly ridicules his identity. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve a friend like her.

***

_I wish to know_  
_The fatal flaw that makes you long to be_  
_Magnificently cursed_  
_He's in the room_  
_Your opal eyes are all I wish to see_  
_He wants what's only yours_

***

Ben doesn’t know how he’s ended up with Callum. How could someone so full of light fall for a man made of shadows? He loses himself in Callum’s glittering eyes, shining like precious gems. He could spend forever in Callum’s gaze. 

Of course, he doesn’t. He has Callum’s fragile heart in his hand and in his panic he squeezes it and it shatters. Now Callum’s eyes are glistening with tears and Ben has to go, before he changes his mind and ruins Callum forever.

***

_Oh, goddamn_  
_My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand_  
_Taking mine, but it's been promised to another_  
_Oh, I can't_  
_Stop you putting roots in my dreamland_  
_My house of stone, your ivy grows_  
_And now I'm covered_

***

Callum's half-drunk and rambling, long limbs sprawled across Whit's sofa, dangerously close to pouring red wine into her lap. She'd been talking about the guy she was seeing, and Callum is so so happy for her, he seems like the real deal, and her eyes light up when she says his name, like they used to when she looked at him. 

Callum hears about Whitney falling in love again and it just all tumbles out of him. They sat on this sofa months ago, engaged to be married, and his heart already belonged to Ben. Callum blurts out everything that's happened with Ben and Whit consoles him, holds him while he cries about the man he left her for. She truly is the best friend.

***

_Clover blooms in the fields_  
_Spring breaks loose, the time is near_  
_What would he do if he found us out?_  
_Crescent moon, coast is clear_  
_Spring breaks loose, but so does fear_  
_He's gonna burn this house to the ground_  
_How's one to know?_

***

He told Cal he didn’t feel bad for his part in hurting Whit, but of course he did. He’s sitting on the floor of his living room, drinking beer while Lola and Jay put Lexi to bed. He’s just opened another bottle and doesn’t hear his little whirlwind of a daughter come into the room. She spots the tear tracks running down his face and in her innocence asks if he misses Callum. He almost breaks down right then and there, because he hadn’t meant to take Callum away from her. He knows she adores him and he feels so guilty for hurting more than just himself with his actions. He puts on a brave face and gives Lexi a hug before Lola takes her hand and leads her back to her room. 

Jay comes in with drinks for him and Lola and settles with his back to the sofa, his foot just knocking against Ben’s, enough to let him know he’s not alone. Jay is content to sit in silence until Ben comes out with it, knowing it might take another couple of drinks before Ben’s ready to talk. Lola has no such qualms, planting herself between her best friend and boyfriend, taking a long swig from her drink and prodding Ben.

“Out with it, we haven’t got all night.”

Ben talks and talks, spilling every feeling he’s been keeping bottled up, not knowing the subject of his heartbreak is having the same conversation just across the square.

***

_I'd live and die for moments that we stole_  
_On begged and borrowed time_  
_So tell me to run_  
_Or dare to sit and watch what we'll become_  
_And drink my husband's wine_

***

It turns out that when the most important and determined women in Ben and Callum’s lives get fed up of their bullshit, the boys have little choice but to agree to hash things out. Especially when Lola sees that Ben’s having second thoughts and sends in the cavalry. He never could say no to Lexi’s puppy dog eyes.

So now Cal and Ben are drinking and laughing, as tentative friends, drinking wine Whit bought him as a sip of courage to mend their broken fences. Callum is talking about Whitney and what they had and he knows they’re only dancing around what they really want to be saying. 

Ben would give anything to be back in those moments he had with Callum, but their new friendship is too fragile to touch again. Callum is trying to be grateful for having Ben back as a friend, but it hurts when he wants to take Ben into his arms and never let go.

So they sit, drinking wine in a fragile happiness, wishing one of them had the guts to push it to breaking point.

***

_Oh, goddamn_  
_My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand_  
_Taking mine, but it's been promised to another_  
_Oh, I can't_  
_Stop you putting roots in my dreamland_  
_My house of stone, your ivy grows_  
_And now I'm covered in you_  
_And I'm covered in you_

***

Ben sees Callum, he sees him for who he is, and that’s so rare. They’re unbearably in sync, still catching the little cues that no one else picks up on. Ben takes Callum’s fear and pain and he soothes it in a way no one else can. When Callum hears a car backfire and begins to shake, Ben is at his elbow, guiding him gently out of harm’s way, talking softly to draw his focus back to reality. He comes back to himself sitting in Ben’s chair in the car lot while Ben sits on the desk, holding out a bottle of water, a steadying hand on Callum’s knee. 

Callum tries to forget what that touch could lead to, tries to stop looking at the lips he wishes would devour him, but when the fear of his past is gone, it’s replaced with one thought reverberating around his brain. He’s in love with Ben.

***

_So yeah, it's a fire_  
_It's a goddamn blaze in the dark_  
_And you started it_  
_You started it_

***

Ben has tried to sit on his feelings, be a good friend, but he just can’t. He’s in love with Callum, a flame that started flickering with that first handshake and was fanned into a blaze by their first kiss. They’re sitting in his living room, watching a movie after putting Lexi to bed, the house empty but for the three of them.

Callum laughs at something on the screen and turns those maddening blue eyes on Ben. And suddenly he can’t help himself any more. He’s closed the distance between them and before he knows it they’re kissing, Callum kissing him back as if it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. Callum is above him, his hands all over him and Ben has to stop, them both gasping for air.

Callum looks back at him with confusion before understanding dawns on him and he leads Ben up the stairs, then takes him apart with practised devotion.

***

_So yeah, it's a war_  
_It's the goddamn fight of my life_  
_And you started it_  
_You started it_

***

Working through their issues isn’t easy. Sometimes it feels like life is pulling Callum away from Ben in every way it can, but he’s not letting him go again. He can’t lose what they have, not this time. He works harder than he has on anything in his life, and Ben meets him every step of the way. Callum is a part of Ben’s little family now, dragging Whit into the mix as well, knowing she’ll hold him accountable. He’s fought hard to get here, but looking around the house and seeing all the people he loves, gathered together for him, makes it all worth it.

***

_Oh, I can't_  
_Stop you putting roots in my dreamland_  
_My house of stone, your ivy grows_  
_And now I'm covered_  
_In you, in you_  
_Now I'm covered in you_  
_In you_

***

Ben never thought he’d fall in love again. Not after Paul. But Callum is inescapable. His love and brightness is everywhere, and Ben is well and truly smitten. He can’t imagine ever being without this man who has shown him that dreams can come true.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading - it means a lot! My tumblr is slytherin-shakespeare if you want to follow me or ask questions!


End file.
